


finally finding sleep, we'll swim around in dreams

by pinkmalady



Category: 1984 - George Orwell
Genre: Dreams, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Harm to Animals, Mild Blood, POV First Person, Self-Indulgent, a rat gets accidentally stomped on, winston's PoV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:35:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25114000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkmalady/pseuds/pinkmalady
Summary: Winston Smith dreams of many strange things. This is one of his many about Julia.
Relationships: Winston Smith/Julia (1984)
Kudos: 6





	finally finding sleep, we'll swim around in dreams

**Author's Note:**

> (title is a lyric from the song "Maybe I Will, Maybe I Won't" by The Young Veins)  
> (comments are appreciated!)

The dream I had last night was haunting. I figured I must write it down, as it stands out clearly in my memory.

I found myself in Golden Country. The sunlight beamed down on me, illuminating the way through a grassy field. I picked a couple wildflowers that brushed against my body as I walked forward.

The flowers were small and red, and I felt them wilting in my hands. My stomach churned as they turned to dust and slid through my fingers.

I felt that I was walking for some time when I looked ahead and saw a tall structure in the distance. I couldn't see where the building ended, as it spiraled past the clouds.

I heard something hiss under my foot. I accidentally stomped on a small creature.

I stepped back, and the furry thing hissed at me. It was bleeding. It was... My breath hastened and I had to stop myself from screaming when I saw what the thing was.

It hissed and scurried off, leaving a trail of blood behind.

I managed to steady my breathing after a few moments, and began trekking further.

As I neared the building, I saw that it appeared to be Charrington's. (I almost didn't recognize it. It was painted a bright white. I could even smell the paint from where I stood.)

The creature... I thought I saw it again from the corner of my vision and I started violently. 

(It frightens me still. I hate... Them, so much. They almost remind me of myself. They scurry around searching for the crumbs of meals they'll never eat. They hiss and bite at anyone who touches them. They creep and crawl and scream and writhe and kill. I don't believe anybody could ever like those things.)

The door to Charrington's swung open, and Julia smiled at me. She wore a white dress that flowed out at the hips and makeup was smudged across her round face. Her dark hair was tied back, highlighting her pale features.

She wrapped her arms around me.

'Winston,' she said. 'Come inside.'

She kissed me and held my hands in hers. She led me into the shop, giggling and murmuring.

The entire shop was empty and coated in a thick layer of dust. No trinkets or furniture to be seen. Charrington himself wasn't present, but I doubt anyone had been in a long time.

The floorboards creaked loudly underneath my weight as Julia led me upstairs.

We entered the apartment together, hand in hand. I kissed her forehead, and she grinned at me wildly.

She sat on the bed, and said something that I couldn't make out. She laughed and the sound echoed in my ears like a bell...

The apartment was also painted much brighter, and the bed appeared cleaner, the sheets neatly folded. Oddly, the painting of St. Martin's was thrown to the floor, gashes torn through it. The walls seemed almost blank without it. The paperweight sat next to my diary on a wooden side table.

'Winston,' she said. 'Sit with me.'

I placed myself next to her, and she laid her head on my shoulder. Holding her small hand in mine, I thought only of how soft her skin was, and how her hair brushed against me so gently...

She was everything young, and I was falling to dust next to her.

She talked and laughed, but I couldn't understand her. Her laughter rang out around us. Her voice was light and airy, and I could feel the vibrations in the air whenever she spoke. I just love how she articulates. It has an effect on me unlike anything else.

I stared at the wooden floors as she spoke. They were dark brown, and shined with fresh polish. (I almost felt guilty for trekking dirt on them.)

'Dear,' Julia said suddenly, sighing. Her voice reverberated in my ears, and my throat tightened.

'Yes?' My voice quivered.

She traced shapes on my hand and hummed softly. The hair on my neck stood up.

'I love you, Winston,' she sighed.

She looked into my eyes, and I do not know how, but I saw something reflected in hers. Her eyes were full of me, full of everything I've ever thought and been and done, yet she still looked at me with warmth. The curve of her smile nearly brought me to tears.

'Don't you hate me?' I asked, faltering.

She stared at me blankly and squeezed my hand. Her hands felt so small...

'Julia, why don't you hate me?'

'Because I love you,' she said.

My body seized up at this.

'I don't understand why you do. You're an idiot for loving me,' I said.

Her lips spread into a smile, and she shook her head. 

'You're an idiot, Winston Smith,' she paused and laughed as I studied her face. 'You're unbelievable.'

'How am I unbelievable?' I asked, frowning.

She shook her head, stifling another laugh.

'You're nothing like them, dear. I don't think you understand that yet. You care, even when they don't. You care about me, and I don't think anyone has cared about me like you do. You listen to me. That's why I love you.'

She pressed her lips to mine, and I understood. We were brimming with life, and we revived each other.

'I think I understand.' I paused. 'I think I love you in the same way.'

She kissed me, and in kissing her, I understood. She loved me. We were afraid. We were dust. We were both shrouded in darkness, but we managed to brighten each other. I loved her, and I knew.

She smiled up at me, cheeks rosy. Her face was a beam of light. (I only then noticed that the sun, which had been pouring through the window, was setting. It had been the only source of light in the apartment besides her.) She was like the sun, and she illuminated me. She slung her arm around my side, and she warmed my cold body with every touch.

She whispered something (something I think I understood) and pulled me into her embrace. We sat like that for some time...

When I awoke from this dream, Julia lay next to me. I had been sleeping, lying in bed in the real apartment above Charrington's. 

Julia's red lips were fixed in a smile, and her chest rose and fell in a slow rhythm.

I kissed her forehead before falling back asleep.


End file.
